


So Called Sword in the Stone

by Xaiya_L



Category: Original Work
Genre: Alchemy, F/F, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-20
Updated: 2018-09-20
Packaged: 2019-07-14 15:59:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16043756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Xaiya_L/pseuds/Xaiya_L
Summary: An alchemist helps her girlfriend retrieve the fabled sword in the stone.Written for a writing prompt back in April 2018.





	So Called Sword in the Stone

An acrid stench continuously assaulted my nose even through my mask. The sounds of boils and hisses were an orchestra amongst the beakers and bobbles, the tins and tongs. Sparks danced across my vision, imprinting on my eyes. I stood at the center, dripping and tossing mixtures around. Years of study, years of work and experimentation culminating in one of my most fascinating works. I’d already made this concoction and remade it. Testing, ensuring it wasn’t volatile or unpredictable. That it wouldn’t degrade too quickly. Overconfidence had lead to many an alchemist’s end. My master loved to hammer it in. _Test test test. Lest you doom yourself and those around you. Even if you take twenty years where a fool attempts to take ten._

I watched as the color of my mixture—BtG11.2—turned from a earthy brown to a dull gray, comparing with my notes. This was the first batch after full testing and adjusting. As it sat, cooling on a tray, I set to work carefully smothering flames and removing chemicals. The workshop was state of the art and built to my liking, but even so, procedures had to be carried out to the letter.

It was at least an hour before I set a cork in the vial of BtG. Taking a through final walkthrough of the now immaculate workshop, I took the vial out of the lab. The exit process took comparatively little time, yet had its own steps. Set vial in the revolving cupboard. Step under shower. Wash. Strip. Dump uniform. Second shower. After years of alchemy, the freezing water was almost relaxing to me. A cleansing shock to end a fruitful, rewarding day of work.

As I stepped out, clothed and mostly dry with my dripping short-cropped hair, I was instantly enveloped in a hug.

“Jaeun!” I said, returning the hug. I shifted my head to meet her lips with a kiss. “I didn’t expect to see you here! N-not that it’s a _bad_ thing or anything, just—”

Jaeun interrupted me with a kiss. I could feel her grin as we shared this moment, as she gently pressed me up against the door. She backed away after a too-brief time, though one which left me breathless and fluttering. “I missed you, so I waited here.”

“Not too long I hope.” I poked her adorable round nose.

“Nope. You’re pretty punctual.” She poked me back. “And pretty.”

“Careful now. You’re sounding awfully much like a lesbian.”

Jaeun snorted. “Who says ‘awfully much’?”

“Me, obviously.” I rolled my eyes.

She leaned in touching her forehead to my own. Her eyes, a beautiful deep mocha-color, gazed into my own. “So how was work?”

“Fruitful. It’s finally ready. We can start any day now.”

Her eyes widened. “R-really? Is it really?”

“Yes. We’ll make a Queen out of you.”

“I don’t know!” Jaeun backed away, leaving me cold without her warmth.

“Hey,” I said softly, taking her hands in mine. “We’ve talked about this. You seemed pretty sure before.”

“That was before it became reality.”

“Are you having second thoughts?” A selfish part of me hoped not.

“No, no.” Jaeun shook her head. “I just. I’m worried. Will they really support a foreigner, even if I have the legendary sword?”

“Hon. This entire village loves you. You’ve put your own life on the line, defending us! And the others will have to back you up. We’ve talked about this.”

“I know I know.” Jaeun muttered a familiar sounding, but unknown word. “Sorry. Just nervous.”

I chuckled. “I’d call you crazy if you weren’t.”

“But I am crazy! That is, crazy in love with you.” The dork’s lips met mine for a brief moment. “And after this, we can…” Jaeun trailed off, blushing.

Get married, I knew. Even if I was blushing too hard to say it out loud. Once Jaeun was Queen, there’d be nothing standing in our way. I walked over to the rotating cabinet and shifted the lever beside it down. The cabinet spun, and I grabbed the vial within.

“So that’s the key to me becoming Queen?” Jaeun said with a curious expression, leaning down to get a close look.

“Well, it’s the key to the key, to be exact.” I smiled. “Just don’t let anyone see you apply it, yeah? I’d rather not get lynched for helping you cheat.”

“What exactly does it do?”

“Pour it over the spot where the sword meets stone. In layman's terms, it’ll go through the rock and weaken it enough that you’ll be able to pull it out. Even better, it won’t be obvious unless someone looks really hard.”

I held it out for her. Jaeun shifted back slightly, giving it a cautious eye. “Don’t worry. Even if it wasn’t sealed, it won’t prove too harmful to flesh. Though, ah, I still wouldn’t recommend letting it get on you.”

In theory, the concoction would leave a nasty looking rash. I had only been able to test on dead pigs, however, given it was never meant to go anywhere near skin.

“Okay. I trust you,” Jaeun said, taking the vial and setting it in one of her pouches.

“Mmm. Now how about we we get some dinner?”

“That sounds lovely.”

 

\---

 

I watched the fog as I breathed in the chilly air of dawn, waiting for the people of all the villages to arrive. The sun hadn’t yet peaked through the cluster of trees surrounding the large clearing. My Jaeun stood on top of the massive gray boulder in the center of the clearing, hands grasping the sword. She dressed as if for work within her chainmail shirt and leather leggings, her dark hair tucked neatly in a bun. Only her sword was missing, though after today she’d have the best sword in the land. Time ticked slowly, too slowly. I could scarcely imagine how my love felt, waiting for the elders of the villages to speak.

The sun warmed my back before they finally spoke. One of the elders, a frail old man with bushy eyebrows, shakily stepped up with only the soft thump of his cane making any noise.

“I believe we have waited long enough. We gather here today to witness Jaeun of the Guard attempt to pull the legendary sword from the stone, its name lost to memory. May the Gods give her strength.”

 _Or may her alchemist girlfriend help her cheat_ , I thought with a smile.

“Thank you,” Jaeun said, tensing. She was known for her patience, but she was clearly beginning to lose it.

“Jaeun of the Guard. You may begin.”

Jaeun nodded, gave me a brief glance, and grunted as she pulled her strength into shifting it. Admittedly, I was nervous, despite my thorough testing and confidence in my work. Did it penetrate deep enough to loosen all of the stone around the sword? I hardly knew just how long the sword was. Would it even be enough for her to pull at it? I wanted to shout, remind her of my support, but all words were shunned during the attempts.

The sword shifted ever so slightly, the grinding clearly audible. Even tradition could not stop the surprised noises in the crowd. I grinned as I saw the fruits of my labor. No one had stirred the sword so much before! Jaeun strained, her powerful arms strained. Sweat beaded down her brow. She paused, catching her breath for a brief moment, before continuing. Every so slowly, second by second. Millimeter by millimeter. The sword shifted and shifted. A nagging thought came to mind, how much it _did not look like a sword_ , but I shoved that away. Only to look in horror as Jaeun finally pulled it out, nearly falling off the rock in the process.

It was a fucking _toothbrush._ A giant toothbrush with a pommel. The crowd was stunned. I was stunned. Jaeun stared in shock, unbelief clear as the day on her face. _What do we do. What do we do! What do we do oh gods!?_

“The Toothbrush Queen!” I found myself shouting. It was all I could think to do. _Idiot!_ Villagers and elders stared at me. I flushed, fully expecting them to lynch the two of us.

“The Toothbrush Queen!” one of the elders shouted.

“The Toothbrush Queen!” Several others joined in. “The Toothbrush Queen! The Toothbrush Queen! The Toothbrush Queen!”

Jaeun was white as a sheet, giving me the most confused look I’d ever seen on her. All I could give her was a shrug.

The crowd thundered. “The Toothbrush Queen! The Toothbrush Queen! The Toothbrush Queen! The Toothbrush Queen!”

Jaeun took a deep breath and raised the… crusty-ass giant fucking toothbrush into the sky.

“The Toothbrush Queen!”

The crowd quieted down steadily, giving Jaeun hopefully enough time to collect herself. She finally spoke to us all.

 


End file.
